Erich FrommThanks to a friend’s blog, I was turned on to the YouTube excerpts of interviews with the big thinker Erich Fromm. Fromm, a psychotherapist and humanist philosopher, who lived from 1900-1980, was a man of true heart and huge intellect. His book “The Art of Loving,” is a must read. This book was central in the formation of my own philosophy, understanding, and approach to love. In this interview, he claims that our culture is one that overemphasizes “having” over “being.” He describes the huge price we pay for this way of living in the world.

In part one, he reveals that Karl Marx, rather than being the devil we believe him to be, was actually a man of profound insight about the human condition. Fromm quotes Marx, showing his understanding of alienation, which in his definition, is a distancing from our true nature.

In the second part of this interview, Fromm asserts that in contemporary society rather than repressing our sexuality, as Freud suggested, we repress the truth. This repression both protects us from discomfort but is also our greatest danger. This is so because when we don’t face the truth about ourselves, what we do, and the world, what we avoid will eventually demand a great price.

Fromm’s universal and timeless insights are as relevant today as they were when he spoke them decades ago. We can mine a great source of wisdom by reading and listening to these great humanist thinkers from our recent past.

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brad pittIn our shame-inducing consumerized culture where everyone is a commodity, all too many people believe that if you don’t look like Brad Pitt or Jennifer Connelly you are not going to get any. WRONG! And I have proof. The person I know who has the most passionate, consistent and happy sex life is short, bald and middle aged. What is his secret?Jennifer

First of all, he has spent a lifetime working on his ability to love. He recognizes, as Erich Fromm said in his classic book, “The Art of Loving,” that love is not something that we feel or get, love is something that we do. He works on being a good husband. He is trustworthy, reliable and consistent. Following the wisdom of Harville Hendrix, he fosters connection through intimate dialogue. He reveals himself and listens empathically. He works on cultivating himself intellectually, emotionally, creatively and physically. He tries to be an interesting person; he doesn’t want to bore his wife. He takes good care of himself and his health; he exercises, eats well and doesn’t overindulge. He has continuously tried to heal his childhood wounds that have interfered with his ability to fully realize his potentials for passionate loving. He found a wife who shares his values and has a common interest in maintaining a passionate life. They put the lie to the belief that marriage and kids end romance. They make sure of that! Sexually, he focuses on the needs of his partner, puts himself completely into the experience and does not waste time being self-conscious.

A lifetime of great sex is not dependent on gorgeous looks. As my Dad once said,

“Look not for beauty,nor fairness of skin, but look for a heart that is pure within, for beauty may fade, and skin grow old, but a heart that is pure, will never grow cold.”

Even short, bald guys like me have a chance, by working on our hearts.

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