Ann Coulter at the Time 100 red carpet.
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Why do people act so stupid? Why do people believe absolute absurdities like the drivel spouted by the likes of Ann Coulter? Why do people believe that Obama is a Nazi? Why do Medicare recipients, who receive medical care through a government program fear health care given through a government program? Are humans that dumb?

Clearly, it is not simply in these areas of politics or public policy that we see humans behaving in ridiculous ways. People act against their self interest all the time. We believe lies and shun the truth. We move towards what is bad for us and avoid the good. We smoke cigarettes, go out with jerks, and invest with Bernie Madoff. As Oscar Wilde said, the only thing we learn from experience is that we never learn from experience. What the hell is wrong with us? Are we selfish, evil morons at root? If we were left unchecked, without the threat of Dick Cheney’s punishment, would we all be ravaging each other? The answer is no.

Neuroscience and evolutionary theory are now proving what the wise among of us have understood since humans started trimming their nose hairs. We are essentially good. Historically, people who have believed this were called humanists. Many people use the word humanist as an insult to instill fear. Watch out, they say, there goes a humanist! Isn’t it odd that people would think so badly of folks who believe that human beings are intrinsically good? There’s that stupidity again. As it turns out, the humanists were right. We have everything we need inside of us to be wise, good, and loving.

The truth is, we are built to love. We come out of the womb this way. We all have brains that are meant to continuously grow and develop in order to optimize our ability to think, feel, act and connect. As Allan N. Schore brilliantly demonstrates in his deeply researched work, “Affect Dysregulation and Disorders of the Self,” what we need early in life to get our brains to develop is someone else’s optimal brain. We become what we are meant to be through relationship. That means we need an optimally loving mom. Moms regulate the growth of their baby’s brains and nervous systems. If mom is in a good mood, she’s pumping luscious levels of happy brain chemicals through her own brain. When baby sees mommy’s happy mood, baby starts squirting happy brain chemicals in its own brain. When the baby’s brain gets showered with this yummy chemical soup, the brain grows. It grows the stuff inside of it that we need to be smart and good. When the baby looks at mom and mom looks at the baby with love, the baby gets high. The baby wants more of the good feeling and so becomes very attached to mom, because mom is the source of those good feelings. The baby’s ability to form this attachment bond with mom becomes the template for the baby to form attachments throughout life. Babies are predisposed to attach; that is, they are predisposed to love. When they get the right kind of love from mom, they become loving.

Now if Mom is not happy, and baby doesn’t get those loving gazes from mommy or anyone else, then the baby’s brain makes nasty neurochemicals. The baby gets stressed. Instead of growing neurons, neurons die. Instead of developing the ability over the course of time to be wise, motivated, courageous, self-confident and compassionate, we become dumb, bored, frightened, self-loathing and self-centered. People who are smart enough to realize that there is no threat of death panels were simply happier babies!

Now why wouldn’t mom give her baby everything that child needed? Why wouldn’t she be happy?  Well, moms and dads who don’t parent in the best way do so because they didn’t get what they needed when they were young and so they didn’t grow the ultimate brain connections when they were growing up. As a result they can’t give their kids what they need. Wounded parents make wounded kids.

We find the same kinds of problems in people who have been traumatized as those who didn’t get the proper nurturing as infants.  Adults who live through wars and other catastrophes can end up screwed up. As Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world’s authorities on trauma, noted in his classic, “Traumatic Stress,” the earlier and more ongoing the trauma, especially if abuse came from a loved one, the worse we get messed up and the less we grow in our natural capacities for learning, growth, emotional development, and love. So science shows us that whether you had a mom who wasn’t there for you in the right ways when you were a baby, or you went through some really bad stuff in your life, you have a much stronger likelihood of being cognitively and emotionally dumb.

Now some of you might say that you had a good childhood, you had a nice mom and you were never traumatized. But you still do really stupid things all the time. How could that be? I see this all the time in my psychotherapy practice. People who seem to have grown up in at least average households end up with a great deal of the same kinds of emotional suffering and problems that I see in those clients who went through obvious trauma or neglect. Some of this is because certain people are genetically predisposed to certain brain problems. But genes are never expressed in a vacuum. As Robert Sopolsky, a noted researcher on stress pointed out, human behavior is always a consequence of the interaction between genes and environment. I got a clue for the explanation for the mysterious reality of dumb behavior when I read about an experiment done in the late 1960’s by a guy named Goddard. He gave rats repeated low level electrical impulses into their brains. No single stimulation was strong enough to promote an obvious effect, but over time these impulses appeared to build on themselves and eventually the rats started having epileptic seizures as if they were receiving massive doses of electrical stimulation. After a while, the rats no longer needed any external stimulation and their seizures continued unabated. The researchers named this the “kindling effect.” By lighting a bunch of little sticks, eventually this would ignite the big log, and lead to a roaring fire. I believe the same thing happens psychologically. When we go through enough repeated, low level emotional wounds, we get what I call critical mass trauma or the rain-barrel effect. This is just like the kindling phenomenon. Enough small wounds build on themselves and eventually result in the same kinds of brain effects and dysfunction that we find with significantly poor attachment experiences in infancy or in trauma. In this way, many people who did not go through what could be considered really bad stuff can still end up with bad symptoms.

So how does this lead to people thinking that Obama is a nazi? When we are hurt in these ways we live in a chronic condition of anxiety or fear. Our ability to take in new information narrows. We tend to see things in the same way we’ve always seen them. We have a hard time trusting. We narrow our vision and only see the things that conform to our expectations. When we encounter something new and hopeful, instead of feeing good, we feel suspicious and frightened. We have a limited capacity for positive emotions and for tolerating and recovering from bad feelings, so we want to keep a tight control on what we feel. We fear that if we allow ourselves to hope too much we won’t be able to handle either the excitement of that feeling or the disappointment if things don’t work out. We don’t see our lives and the world as places where we can make mistakes, and grow and learn from them. If someone in the media frightens us by using bugaboos like humanism, socialism or Nazism, it triggers those parts of the brain that have been hurt, and like a reptile we want to go hide under a rock.

The name that I give to what happens to us when we suffer the consequences of these emotional wounds  is having a lost heart. People who believe bullshit simply have lost hearts. They have been hurt in their lives, and so do not have the ability to distinguish truth from lies. In fact, they prefer bullshit, especially if it promises relief from their suffering without effort. One reason Ann Coulter works is because she makes it simple. It’s all the other asshole’s fault!

Does this mean that we are hopeless? Are we are all destined to live lives far beneath our potential because of the millions of tiny wounds we all suffer in this wounded world? Is there no possibility of reaching the dumb, hateful and selfish? No. Just as the brain formed in the first place through relationship, it is always in a process of self-creation. The brain is plastic, that is, it continues to grow, through relationship throughout our whole lives. We have the ability to work on ourselves, and give ourselves what we need so that we can free the brain’s natural ability to develop toward its highest functioning. The great Chinese Sage, Mencius, called this self-cultivation. He said, “The principle of self-cultivation consists in nothing but trying to find the lost heart.” What this means is that if we work on ourselves, and give ourselves what we need, we can realize the potentials that nature has given to us.

In order for us to have the happiest lives, to raise good and happy children, and to fix a broken world, we all need to recognize the ways that we have lost contact with our essence and commit ourselves to doing everything we can to finding our hearts again. Maybe if enough of us do this, we won’t be so damn dumb. If we uncover the natural potential for smarts in enough people, maybe the lost-hearted media will stop giving so much space to idiots like Coulter, Limbaugh and Palin, and instead give space to those people who are the only ones considered worse than the socialists: the humanists. Now that would be wise.

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If you’d like to read an excerpt from my book,

Finding the Lost Heart: A New Path to Growth, Love and Wisdom,

please click on one of the links below.

All feedback is greatly appreciated.

PDF excerpt from Finding the Lost Heart.

Word excerpt from Finding the Lost Heart.

tmba_wtaraNewtA driving motivator in the work that I do is to cultivate my thinking. Psychotherapy often emphasizes working on our  emotions or changing our thoughts. But I believe more emphasis should be placed on fulfilling our potential for expansive, comprehensive, logical thought — or wisdom. Wisdom is one of the potentials of the heart; it is part of what the universe intends us to be; it is part of our natural blueprint, an archetype of our human nature; what Aristotle called our entelechy.

The main reason that we don’t fulfill our potentials is that we are wounded in our upbringing and in life. We are not only wounded by our parents, but we are wounded by the pernicious influences of our culture and the existent power structures of our society, which aim to keep us in muddled mind, so that we do not challenge the status quo.

The need to overcome these wounds and develop my capacity for wisdom became strikingly clear to me when the Bush administration began selling the Iraq war. I saw then the need for all of us to think clearly about that decision because people’s lives were at stake. In order to challenge the clever, manipulative arguments made by the right wing, I knew I had to think well. I returned to my studies of the wise who have come before us with a renewed vigor. Unfortunately, my fears about this were realized. All too many people were bamboozled by the right’s arguments, and we began an unnecessary, tragic war. Only a few public voices showed wisdom at the time. Obama’s was one of them. That is one powerful reason why he is president today. The terrible results of that war only provides more evidence of the importance of cultivating wisdom, so that we can all do our part in countering the bullshit we are all too often being sold.

So, here’s the present situation that requires our deep consideration and effective thinking. Members of the right wing have combed every last word of Supreme Court nominee, Sonia Sotomayor, to undermine this historic and important nomination.  Out of a public lifetime and 4,000 judicial decision they have found 32 words they can attack.  Rush Limbaugh, Newt Gingrich and the Fox Network pundits of the right have accused her, of “reverse racism” for saying “I would hope that a wise Latina woman with the richness of her experience would more often than not reach a better conclusion than a white male who hasn’t lived that life,” The argument they use against her is to claim that if a white male candidate had said this, he would be forced to withdraw his nomination.  Well, if presumed racist statements are disqualifying, now we know that at least Rush, Newt and Glenn Beck will never be on the Supreme Court!

So let us think carefully about what Sotomayor said. First of all, it is important to read her words in context. Here is the full speech. I heartily disagree with President Obama who said that she chose words poorly. I think this is a beautiful speech, and the sentence in context expresses a profound sentiment.

What Limbaugh and Gingrich indicate in their comments is that they have not fully penetrated the problems of prejuidice. Anyone who has explored this question in depth has come to recognize that we are all biased in our views of others. We all carry unexamined assumptions. It doesn’t matter what side of the political spectrum you are on. All of us, white, black, latino, priviledged or not, are limited by our human condition and by the wounds we have suffered.  All we can do is to devote ourselves to becoming increasingly aware of our limiting presuppositions, and do all that we can to transcend them. That is the work of a committed lifetime.

Sotomayor implies in her speech that coming from a wounding, underpriviledged background, where one is the victim of excessive prejuidice is no guarantee of wisdom. We can see this everywhere we look. There is no group that does not have its venal members, or when in power does not abuse it. White men do not hold the exclusive capacity to make unwise decisions. Even a black woman is capable of participating in war crimes by falsely promoting an unjust war and rationalizing torture: see Condoleeza Rice. Sotomayor also agrees that white men are capable of being wise. So priviledge or prejuidice are not sufficient factors in determining our capacity for wise decision making.

What Sotomayor is saying is that we each have a choice of what to do with our wounding experiences. They can give us an excuse to become bitter and destructive, or they can inspire us to work toward becoming more compassionate and therefore, more wise. We can use our experience to hurt others, or we can aspire to be like the Bodhisattva of Compassion, that is, to be on the road to awakening. In order to be like the bodhisattvas, our compassion emerges from the inside of our suffering. We use our suffering to identify with the suffering of others. Our suffering provides us with an opportunity to have a deeper, richer compassion that can, if we cultivate it effectively, lead to better, wiser decisions. The experience of being a member of a group that in our culture suffers the effects of discrimination offers such an opportunity. She is saying that she hopes to use that opportunity for the good, rather than the bad.

Limbaugh, Gingrich and their ilk reveal a thinly veiled prejuidice in their claims. Underlying their statements is an assumption that if people of color get into power they will use this power to somehow hurt white people. This is clear, basic racism. Sotomayor is saying that she aspires to use her experience to make wise decisions that will benefit all people.

The danger in the sophistry of the right wing is that these incendiary views are accepted without critical evaluation by those who do not think so clearly. When I was campaigning for Obama I spoke to a woman in Pennsylvania who told me that Obama was a Muslim, that if he got elected the world would end, and that he would definitely be killed. By stoking this kind of thinking in order to promote a political agenda of bringing the right back in power, the right bear a terrible responsibility.

If any serious human being truly wants to do something about racism, they know that they must begin with themselves.